We’re baaaaaaaack…..!

Warhammer Online: The Age of Reckoning, brought public quests to a public quest-less world, Tomes of Knowledge to the forgetful, open groups to the friendless, and in all ways has transformed the world.

Warhammer Online has twenty unique classes or ‘careers’, and each one plays like no other class in any other MMO, proving once again that WAR’s innovative and unique game play will have every other MMO dev yelling to their computer, “Why didn’t WE have something like that!”

It’s because it took until now before someone got the idea for a robe-clad magic user who summons fire from the skies, something called, “Bright Wizard”. Now that WAR has blazed the trail (sorry), every other MMO is sure to implement something similar.

Simulated Warhammer screenshot

The Transportation Safety Authority has a special wing in Guatanamo for Bright Wizards. See, they set up in a major airport, like Chicago or Atlanta, and they get on the PA and ask Blaze McCharmander or Ash Daboominator to pick up the white courtesy phone, and then when they do, they’re like, we heard Bright Wizards couldn’t set a match on fire if it had been soaked in gasoline and gunpowder for a week and was dangling over a pool of lava. And then Cinder Blastitall will start shouting about “Gonna burn that! Burn! Boom! Hahahaha! Light ‘em up! BURN! KILL! BUUUURN!!!!!”

And that’s when they take them away.

When Bright Wizards watch Lord of the Rings, they’re cheering for the Balrog and wondering why Mount Doom didn’t get more screen time. Pompeii? Early Bright Wizard convention.

Get one of these in a strategy meeting and when the Bright Wizard raises his hand, the guy at the head of the table sighs a little inside and tries to change the subject, but the Bright is always going, “oh me me me pick me oh me me” and then the head guy says, “Okay, WHAT. And you better not just be suggesting we set the whole thing on fire.” And the Bright kinda lowers his hand and looks away, muttering, “well I didn’t want to come to Susie’s surprise birthday party ANYWAY.” And then he’s all pouty until you promise him a puppy for Christmas. And THEN he’s all like, “Ooooh! A PUPPY! I’ll hug him and love him and name him George!” And then you give him a long look until he promises not to feed the puppy anything that will make him explode.

These guys are always asking the DJ to play Disco Inferno and writing to Stephen King asking when the sequel to Firestarter is coming out. These are the guys who dream about being stuck in a burning building and wake up smiling. These are the guys who eat nothing BUT chile con carne because they heard about this heartburn thing and it sounded like a good idea to them.

Need to find a Bright Wizard? Just follow the flaming trees.

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Looking for information about Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning careers, cities, public quests, Tome of Knowledge, open groups, and how you can make concrete burn? Well, then, you’ve come to the right place! Straight Talk Warhammer is the only blog series that gives you the Straight Talk… about WARHAMMER! Online. Age of Reckoning.

40 long years ago, an intrepid Swiss scientist first discovered that aliens had come to Earth many times in our past, always guiding mankind toward sapience, civilization, and the stars. They made us who we are today, and they brought us Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning.

Only the alien intelligences that have already brought us public quests, open groups, the Tome of Knowledge and Realm vs Realm could bring us the dark wonders of the Inevitable City.

Simulated Warhammer screenshot

So, you’re a Greenskin, or a Dark Elf, or whatever those creepy little toothy things are, and some disgusting Order folk come marching up. Naturally, you want to kill them, and they you, it’s just rousing good fun.

But let’s say they get past, get into the city, start killing stuff, who’s going to stop them? The forces of darkness? Like they’re gonna lift a finger to protect some NPCs and merchants. Probably the same merchants that charged double the going price for food ’cause of the growing unrest in the area. See, the evil guys are always thinking, always scheming. They’re gonna let the Order folks waltz right in… close the doors, and then head over to the good guy city for fine dining on the hoof.

Because you know? Good is, essentially, stupid. The Destruction folks will say, well, there can be peace in our time. But you have to give US something. And the Order guys will say, like, what? And the Destruction guys will say, well, we think we want us some dwarf. And the Order guys will say, okay, go ahead, they’re really smelly. And then the Destruction guys will push the advantage, and be all like — AND we want the Witch Hunters! So how do you like THAT? And the Order guys will say, huh? Why would you want THEM? And the Destruction guys will go, well, we have all the WITCHES. Just makes sense.

And then the Order folk will stand around looking like a bunch of geese that thought Interstate 95 was the Mississippi River. Kind of dumb, and then, BAM, up comes a semi, and it turns out nobody has to have the smelly dwarfs after all.

So when you see a bunch of Order folk looking kinda dazed, standing in a circle, maybe giving each other a comforting hug, probably that was just some Destruction people having a little bit of fun.

Because good is STUPID.

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We all really appreciate you coming by for our third exclusive feature on Mythic’s newest MMO, Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning. Remember: Mythic is going to beat the pants off of Blizzard, because while the folks in Irvine may have “World of Warcraft”, Electronic Arts has Ultima Online, and guess which one the terrorists are using to train?

Hey, welcome back to the second in our exclusive series about the exciting innovative gameplay of Mythic’s Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning.

Public quests, open groups, the excitement of the Tome of Knowledge, all things never seen before the evil geniuses at Mythic brewed them up in charmed cauldrons on some fog-shrouded Scottish moor, with the witch-goddess Hecate shrieking over it.

It’s a well-known fact that the color red in the game packaging is made from blood.

It’s true. Look it up. Because that’s just how hardcore they are. They do it for YOU.

Simulated Warhammer screenshot

What IS Realm vs Realm and how is it different from PvP?

How about seventeen factions, any of which would happily crush the throats of the others? You can only trust your own kind. Maybe. That’s war everywhere. That’s Warhammer… the miniatures game. Oops. Wrong one.

Well, imagine FOUR factions, at each other’s throats. In their own lands they are only somewhat safe, but step outside or into a contested zone and BAM! Constantly shifting alliances, places you just can’t go and… oh wait, that was EverQuest. Evil vs Humans vs Elves vs Shorties.

Okay, but with four factions you get stalemate, so that’s pretty boring. Three factions, though — the two weaker against the strong one so nobody can ever rest at the top, never able to rest, that’s… oh, never mind. That’s Dark Age of Camelot — or Planetside.

Well, how about two sides? Good vs Evil? Horde vs Alliance? That’s the Realm vs Realm difference. That’s why it’s not simply “Player vs Player”. That’s what you can only find in Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning. Along with public quests, the Tome of Knowledge, and open groups, the fight of good vs evil, free people vs the minions of Mordor, it’s your realm against the other realm.

And the stakes are incredibly high. Everything you do moves the battle to one side or another. And when you finally have done enough to tip the balance forever to your side — that’s when the whole thing resets because it’s WAR FOREVER! WAAAAAGH!!!!

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Thanks for stopping by for our second exclusive look at Mythic’s Warhammer Online: The Age of Reckoning. No game has ever done PvP, er, RvR, in quite the same way. Not exactly.

Warhammer Online. Warhammer. WAR. WAAAAGH. All ways to describe the game sweeping our interwebs in ways Google can easily find. More? Public quests? This game has public quests. Tome of Knowledge? This is the ONLY GAME with a Tome of Knowledge. World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King, coming this November, does not have public quests OR a Tome of Knowledge. Order. Destruction. War everywhere becomes WAR everywhere.

Public quests and the Tome of Knowledge and Order and Destruction and Realm vs Realm — things every game, such as Blizzard’s World of Warcraft, and its upcoming Wrath of the Lich King expansion, will soon have in abundance. Soon, EA Mythic’s Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning will no longer be able to call public quests, and the Tome of Knowledge, something exclusive only to WAR.

But we come here tonight not to talk about such things as public quests and the Tome of Knowledge, things exclusive to Warhammer Online, but about things you won’t find on many other blogs. Like information about the White Lion profession, a profession you won’t find in World of Warcraft, or Lord of the Rings Online’s Mines of Moria expansion, or in Star Wars: Galaxies’ Hoth expansion.

Well, maybe there. But Hoth won’t have Greenskins. WAAAAAGH! So that will be another thing not found in other games, except for World of Warcraft.

Simulated Warhammer Online screenshot.

Well, the White Lions are high elves, and they are so incredibly ferocious, that they hunt with white lions, and wear white lion clothes, and probably sleep with the damn things, I don’t know. Actually, let’s just get some things about them out in the open.

These are bad muthas. I mean it. The other high elves, they don’t want to be around White Lions that much. Because there’s this imaginary line, and the other high elves are on THIS side of it, and the White Lions are so far on the OTHER side of it, that they don’t even know there IS a line. While the other High Elves are sipping blood wine from crystal goblets in their high marble towers, the White Lion guys are running howling naked through the forest.

These are scary guys.

When a high elf kid says, “Ma, they had a White Lion guy come by Elf School and I kinda liked what he had to say,” there is no discussion. High Elf law is really clear on this. Once your kid starts talking about the White Lions, you have to drop them off at a big bin in front of the White Lion union hall, and some guy in a parka comes by and collects them each night just after sundown, and then if you ever see your kid again, you won’t recognize him. ‘Cause they’ll have that scary, wild look in their eyes, and you might want to say, “Honey? Is that you?” but you don’t, because you don’t want your throat ripped out by your own demon spawn.

Thinking about becoming a White Lion? Say hello to your girlfriend.

In battle, everyone just kinda backs away from the White Lion, and nobody dares look into his eye, because that will be the first one they come for. But while the White Lion is feeding on your buddy, that’s your chance to circle around back and take him down with a swift stroke. But save one for his lion girlfriend.

We hope you have enjoyed this exclusive peak at one of Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning’s most exciting new classes, and that you’ll come back every day this week for more exclusive coverage of EA Mythic’s groundbreakingly innovative new MMO sensation.