Double Dragon Down

A gripping tale....
A gripping tale….

It was a grim setting I logged into a couple nights ago. My Godville heroine, Talesia, was dead… and lying next to her was her loyal mount, the double dragon Pinky. Double dragons get smaller the older they get, and Pinky has become quite small. So this wasn’t entirely unexpected.

Still, dying now is not Pinky’s destiny. Pinky’s destiny is to find a permanent home in the ark that Talesia is building, slowly, out of gopher wood. A priest would need to be found, but priests are expensive, and there’s a chance my somewhat moronic heroine would forget that her double dragon needed a resurrection.

Pinky is a year and a season old — in real time, that’s how long I’ve been raising her. Heroes can be resurrected with a click at any time, but you only have 48 hours from the time a mount/pet dies to get a resurrection, or the pet revives itself — but now it is only a companion. It won’t gain levels. It won’t earn a place in the Pantheon of Taming. It will never receive its eternal reward on the ark.

About the only thing I, as the Divine Tipa, could do, was to earn some gold very quickly. And the only way to do that is to (a) run a dungeon, and (b) make sure all the AFK players die so that I get more treasure.

The timer was already down to thirty-something hours when I noticed how dead everyone had gotten. I had to go to work IRL. When I got home, the timer was at about twenty hours.

Time to head into a dungeon.

The dungeon had a “mystery” theme — something different about it, but it wouldn’t let us know what that difference was. It turned out that the party could attack boss monsters on their turn, which made fights go much faster.

I’m not really a bad person. I wasn’t trying to get people killed. It’s just that when the players are AFK, they can’t heal their heroes. Every encounter brings their health lower. And I was leading the party, and I was looking to hit every encounter because I NEEDED THE GOLD.

One hero died fairly early on. Another died during the final boss fight. The third — well, his player was on board and was healing, and we split the bulk of the treasure between us. Now… the only thing left was to get my heroine to a town and convince her to bring Pinky to a priest for a rez.

I have no control over any of that. But she did eventually make her way to a town and did pay for the rez. It ended well.

Tense there for a bit, though.

The game is Godville. It’s available on the web, and in native apps for mobile devices.

Godville: Dungeon Run

I was surprised to see so much interest in a #Godville  post :) Godville is indeed a game like ProgressQuest, a parody of MMOs where it seemed all you would do is just grind gear… forever.

Godville, like, say, Kingdom of Loathing, goes beyond being a simple parody of a video game into actually being a real game.

You don't play Godville directly. You are a god (or goddess), and your hero (or heroine) will happily go adventuring on their own with no input from you. You can, in fact, create a character, set the game to true ZPG (zero player game) mode, and come back in five years and find your character has joined a guild, or several, raised a pet, built a temple, gained levels, upgraded gear and so on.

But your character will progress a lot faster if you can shed some divine wisdom or gifts occasionally.

Once your character has built you a temple, he or she will begin construction of an ark, which requires a special sort of wood found only in dungeons. Like everything else in Godville, you can just send your character into a dungeon. He or she will form a group from other characters and go into the dungeon, where they will bounce around randomly until something kills them, or they stumble accidentally into the exit.

That rarely ends well. What most people hope, when they send their characters into a dungeon (randomly generated) is that someone will remain at the keyboard and lead the group to victory.

And sometimes, if they're really unlucky, the person driving will be me. Because it's MY goal, if I'm the only "at keyboard" player, to let everyone else die so that I get all the loot.

This was the eventual fate of my poor groupmates in the dungeon run below.

I'll run through the display counterclockwise from the Allies block. Those allies are the heroes who followed me into this pit of doom. After pressing the "Enter Dungeon" link, all of their deities apparently tossed their computers out the window and went on a long, perilous trek across the Sahara, because I never heard a peep out of them.

Below that is part of my character sheet. I'm the goddess, and the two Chinese characters near my name indicate that I have trained a pet to max level and that I have a temple constructed in my honor. Below that is my heroine's name, age — how long I've been "playing" — Talesia's motto, personality — Harvest Moon is an evil guild, I should be making her do evil things but when I send a heal down, it makes her nicer. The guild, level, etc.

On the far right is the dungeon map. I usually let the party move randomly until they come across a clue to the location of the main treasure hoard. You can see the arrow pointing southwest near the top of the map.

I drove us down there — you can see my commands in blue, as well as my pleas to the rest of the group to at least toss some heals in during any boss fights (unanswered). Anyway, we hit a boss monster, and it killed everyone but me. I didn't even have to try. It wasn't the main baddy, but after all but me died, the game decided we no longer had a viable group and kicked us out of the dungeon.

No ark wood for me.

But there ya go, a Godville dungeon run.

I have PLENTY of Godville invites (not that you need one!).

Godville: Pet Trainer!

My pet finally hit level 30 in Godville, and I now can proudly bear the "Pet Trainer" badge and have someone to put in my ark when it's finally built.

Occasionally, Godville kills your pet and then there's a mad scramble to get enough gold for a resurrection before the 60 hour timer expires. Pinky's last death, I had gotten enough gold and was headed back to town when I was killed. So I had to go earn enough gold again. I didn't get the "quick rez" experience bonus, but I did manage to make it in time and now… done!


Godville: Z(ero) P(layer) G(ame) mastery!


On the occasion of my hero, “Muddill”, reaching level 60, an update of progress with my favorite Zero Player Game, Godville. (

Godville is is inspired by Progress Quest ( and other games that required no input from the player in a thin parody of the RPG grind where the hero is sent off on various trivial tasks in order to pad a game’s running length. Godville turns that idea on its head by taking the ZPG idea… and turning it back into a multiplayer game that now boasts thousands of somewhat committed but nonetheless fanatical players.

The game’s premise is that you, a deity, have too much going on in your celestial realm to dirty yourself with mundane adventuring, so you recruit a hapless follower to do your will, using encouragement or punishment to show your divine influence. The hero will then go about his or her business with no input from you provided you check up on them every few days. Maybe resurrect them if they should happen to die without a wandering priest nearby to raise them (one will always eventually show).

OR. You could help your hero with battles, send them to the arena to battle other heroes, send them to dungeons which are actual real dungeon crawls, find hidden boss monsters, solve crossword puzzles for beneficial aura rewards, build temples (to you), build arks (for your pets), oh yeah — capture and raise pets, compete with other guilds and individual heroes for recognition in towns and pantheons, and….

Godville is one of those games that seems simple — and is simple — but can go as deep as you like.

Now for the bad news: Godville is a free to play game, available on the browser and most mobile devices. Your hero will get by just fine with no input from you.

But almost all actions you would take to influence your hero require “Godpower”. Godpower regenerates slowly over time, or quickly when the hero gains a level, completes a quest, or wins a duel. You can build up charges of unused godpower to let you refill it to help win in the arena or defeat a boss monster. If this isn’t happening fast enough for you, you can buy charges with money.

I haven’t paid money to play the game yet, and I doubt I will — but I’m not playing at the elite level, either.

I started off about four years back playing this on the iPad, one of the first mobile games I ever played. I drifted away from it for a couple years, checking in on my hero every few months, until I found out it was available on a browser. I’ve been checking in every day. I belong to the #1 guild in the game (you can influence this), chat occasionally with guildies in the special guild chat, sometimes duel with them…. it’s the casual alternative to casual MMOs :)