Straight Talk Warhammer: The Bright Wizard

We’re baaaaaaaack…..!

Warhammer Online: The Age of Reckoning, brought public quests to a public quest-less world, Tomes of Knowledge to the forgetful, open groups to the friendless, and in all ways has transformed the world.

Warhammer Online has twenty unique classes or ‘careers’, and each one plays like no other class in any other MMO, proving once again that WAR’s innovative and unique game play will have every other MMO dev yelling to their computer, “Why didn’t WE have something like that!”

It’s because it took until now before someone got the idea for a robe-clad magic user who summons fire from the skies, something called, “Bright Wizard”. Now that WAR has blazed the trail (sorry), every other MMO is sure to implement something similar.


Simulated Warhammer screenshot

The Transportation Safety Authority has a special wing in Guatanamo for Bright Wizards. See, they set up in a major airport, like Chicago or Atlanta, and they get on the PA and ask Blaze McCharmander or Ash Daboominator to pick up the white courtesy phone, and then when they do, they’re like, we heard Bright Wizards couldn’t set a match on fire if it had been soaked in gasoline and gunpowder for a week and was dangling over a pool of lava. And then Cinder Blastitall will start shouting about “Gonna burn that! Burn! Boom! Hahahaha! Light ’em up! BURN! KILL! BUUUURN!!!!!”

And that’s when they take them away.

When Bright Wizards watch Lord of the Rings, they’re cheering for the Balrog and wondering why Mount Doom didn’t get more screen time. Pompeii? Early Bright Wizard convention.

Get one of these in a strategy meeting and when the Bright Wizard raises his hand, the guy at the head of the table sighs a little inside and tries to change the subject, but the Bright is always going, “oh me me me pick me oh me me” and then the head guy says, “Okay, WHAT. And you better not just be suggesting we set the whole thing on fire.” And the Bright kinda lowers his hand and looks away, muttering, “well I didn’t want to come to Susie’s surprise birthday party ANYWAY.” And then he’s all pouty until you promise him a puppy for Christmas. And THEN he’s all like, “Ooooh! A PUPPY! I’ll hug him and love him and name him George!” And then you give him a long look until he promises not to feed the puppy anything that will make him explode.

These guys are always asking the DJ to play Disco Inferno and writing to Stephen King asking when the sequel to Firestarter is coming out. These are the guys who dream about being stuck in a burning building and wake up smiling. These are the guys who eat nothing BUT chile con carne because they heard about this heartburn thing and it sounded like a good idea to them.

Need to find a Bright Wizard? Just follow the flaming trees.

Looking for information about Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning careers, cities, public quests, Tome of Knowledge, open groups, and how you can make concrete burn? Well, then, you’ve come to the right place! Straight Talk Warhammer is the only blog series that gives you the Straight Talk… about WARHAMMER! Online. Age of Reckoning.

Published by

Tipa

Web developer for a Connecticut-based insurance company that's over 200 years old! Also a bicycler, a blogger, a kayaker, and a hunter of bridges.

25 thoughts on “Straight Talk Warhammer: The Bright Wizard”

  1. I think we need to find out if Fuan has a blog.

    Enjoyable AND controversial.

    I want to make babies with him! (or is it a her, then I would be even more enamored. But, seeing I cannot tell the difference lately…does it matter?)

  2. Way back when on EMarr, Fuan leveled a (unbeknownst to him) Female Troll to level 15 before his friends informed him that his character had breasts. Sometimes Fuan doesn’t even know his own sex.

  3. Hey! Egat and I both come from Erollisi Marr. So does Sejal, another poster. I was Etha, Nina, Tipa and Brita, depending when you saw me :)

    One of our monks restarted as a wizard frog named Denwo. I think he was 70 before he realized he had made a girl frog.

  4. Ah this game had so much promise. The blogger wars it spawned were epic. Is fun till level 10 now. Then you better have a guild and be prepared to meet a lot of players on alts….

Comments are closed.