Straight Talk Warhammer: The White Lion profession.
Posted by Tipa in Humor, MMOs, Straight Talk Warhammer, Warhammer: Age of Reckoning, World of Warcraft, tags: fakehammer, not funny, white lionWarhammer Online. Warhammer. WAR. WAAAAGH. All ways to describe the game sweeping our interwebs in ways Google can easily find. More? Public quests? This game has public quests. Tome of Knowledge? This is the ONLY GAME with a Tome of Knowledge. World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King, coming this November, does not have public quests OR a Tome of Knowledge. Order. Destruction. War everywhere becomes WAR everywhere.
Public quests and the Tome of Knowledge and Order and Destruction and Realm vs Realm — things every game, such as Blizzard’s World of Warcraft, and its upcoming Wrath of the Lich King expansion, will soon have in abundance. Soon, EA Mythic’s Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning will no longer be able to call public quests, and the Tome of Knowledge, something exclusive only to WAR.
But we come here tonight not to talk about such things as public quests and the Tome of Knowledge, things exclusive to Warhammer Online, but about things you won’t find on many other blogs. Like information about the White Lion profession, a profession you won’t find in World of Warcraft, or Lord of the Rings Online’s Mines of Moria expansion, or in Star Wars: Galaxies’ Hoth expansion.
Well, maybe there. But Hoth won’t have Greenskins. WAAAAAGH! So that will be another thing not found in other games, except for World of Warcraft.
Simulated Warhammer Online screenshot.
Well, the White Lions are high elves, and they are so incredibly ferocious, that they hunt with white lions, and wear white lion clothes, and probably sleep with the damn things, I don’t know. Actually, let’s just get some things about them out in the open.
These are bad muthas. I mean it. The other high elves, they don’t want to be around White Lions that much. Because there’s this imaginary line, and the other high elves are on THIS side of it, and the White Lions are so far on the OTHER side of it, that they don’t even know there IS a line. While the other High Elves are sipping blood wine from crystal goblets in their high marble towers, the White Lion guys are running howling naked through the forest.
These are scary guys.
When a high elf kid says, “Ma, they had a White Lion guy come by Elf School and I kinda liked what he had to say,” there is no discussion. High Elf law is really clear on this. Once your kid starts talking about the White Lions, you have to drop them off at a big bin in front of the White Lion union hall, and some guy in a parka comes by and collects them each night just after sundown, and then if you ever see your kid again, you won’t recognize him. ‘Cause they’ll have that scary, wild look in their eyes, and you might want to say, “Honey? Is that you?” but you don’t, because you don’t want your throat ripped out by your own demon spawn.
Thinking about becoming a White Lion? Say hello to your girlfriend.
In battle, everyone just kinda backs away from the White Lion, and nobody dares look into his eye, because that will be the first one they come for. But while the White Lion is feeding on your buddy, that’s your chance to circle around back and take him down with a swift stroke. But save one for his lion girlfriend.
We hope you have enjoyed this exclusive peak at one of Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning’s most exciting new classes, and that you’ll come back every day this week for more exclusive coverage of EA Mythic’s groundbreakingly innovative new MMO sensation.
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OMG. O.O OK first I laughed, then I was like wow, thats actually really cool. OK tottaly dunno what your going on about, but it sure was a good read! O.O (Tipa’s lost it!)
I am a white lion and I have impregnated many other white lions. I don’t feel sorry for my actions.
@cow nose Tipa is going crazy because she is bitter that she doesn’t have time to join the bandwagon.
@Tipa Just playing :)
Thank you, you have answered all my questions.
By the way, great screenshots also. I see they have turned on some type of textures..
Weird, but awesome.
I am glad I found your blog. It is both informative and enlightening.
You have helped me make my gaming decisions.
RAWR!
Wow, and I thought the Hello Kitty Online Founder’s Beta announcement was big (we’ll see if I get in :p ). You had me at “they don’t even know there IS a line.” I just bought a hat so that I may take it off to you.
Dear Tipa,
Please go and buy WAR, join CoW, and end the misery.
Your friend in MMO land,
Syncaine
Ok ok I wont take this shot laying down :)
What?! No coverage of the Black Lions??!?
Oooh, I’m callin Oprah…
@syncaine — Wow… your comment wasn’t kicked to the spam queue. Looks like you finally made your peace with Akismet. Well done!
@Thules — my coverage of that went up yesterday :P
I am a White Lion myself… and I’ve not yet received this impregnating ability… how do I go about getting it? Is it a Tome unlock? I’m going home, getting my WL nekkid and seeing what happens. Word is that’s how you start the quest.
Seriously, Tip. Either you’re quite bored, or quite bitter. Maybe a mix of both?
@Bildo — neither :) I just want to be part of the excitement of launch without actually having to commit to playing a single game for 4-6 hours a night.
@Tipa
Average play times of X-Fire players in WAR was 5.5 hours per player.
This could be skewed, with the CoW guild averaging 10-12 hours. May have to re-evaluate.
That’s a lotta hours though.
Wild.
To be fair, only Hudson had the 10-12 hour play session… I heard he now has hemorrhoids and has named them Gork and Mork.
@Tip: The beauty of WAR is that like so many other games lately you don’t NEED that many hours to have fun and get a lot done.
@Bildo — with EQ2′s expansion imminent, I can’t commit to another MMO until I’ve been through that. That’s the real reason I can’t play WAR yet. I’d just have to drop it in a month. So I’ll just grab it early next year, it’s always been my plan.
I hope you don’t mind, though, if I have a little fun with the hype for a few days…!
LOL! Great write up! :-)
@JoBildo I’ve been contracted by various MMOs to impregnate things in their games in order to increase the population of dying servers. WAR was just thinking ahead and decided to give me the Impregnate combat art right off the bat. They descreased the max framerates while that combat art is in effect in order to maintain their ‘Teen’ rating. If you see my avatar executing Impregnate, it just looks like a blur. The casting speed is 10 minutes, the range is 5 inches and the recast is 45 minutes. The CRR is reduced in PvP to Instant, 5 inches and 1 minute.
Hilarious–love your simulated screenshots. I can almost hear Paul Barnett narrating your post from behind a pair of Elton John sunglasses.
lol
Tipa, why does it look like you are apologizing to JoBildo for making fun of WAR…
lol
Because, someday, I want to join his guild :)
@Openedge: Because, while opinions differ (which often happens with Tipa and I) we still try to keep things civil. There’s enough mudslinging around our upcoming election that I don’t think we need to resort to it over our favored MMOGs.
That, and because CoW rules. Moo.