The Problem with Zombies

My Internet connection went out unexpectedly last night. Rather than stare forlornly at the router all night, I decided to be productive. Put together that lamp I bought. Did the dishes. Unpacked some more boxes. Complained to my cat that even though we sleep together, he’s not my type…

Er… never mind about that one…

I fired up Neverwinter Nights. I haven’t been playing a whole lot of that since I moved, so I’d forgotten where I saved last.

It was a tomb. With ZOMBIES. And MUMMIES!

Okay… aren’t mummies the product of some long, long embalming work that is so difficult that it is reserved only for royalty or other dead VIPs? Would you really have dozens of dead kings coming at you? I don’t buy it.

And why would you even want to mummify someone if you lived in a realm where undead were possible? I just don’t get cemetaries and tombs and stuff in a D&D world. Every king or queen you plant is just going to come shambling back as a mummy in awhile. Zombies are the cut-rate plan for the common folk, I guess…

Mortician: Now, now… don’t let the cost deter you, Mrs. Farmer. Mr. Farmer will be wrapped in the finest linen bandages made from the best Egyptian cotton, prayed over by our very own board-certified priests to ensure an easy and may I say, stylish entry into the afterlife.

Mrs. Farmer: Dat’s so kind of yer, Mr. Mortician, but dear Harold never had more den da five bits of gold, and wit da rent an da taxes due so soon, I tink Harold would be just as happy bein’ burnt. An’ what da heck is ee-jip-shin? That sumtin’ from da northern provinces? An’ how do ya make linen from cotton anyway…

Mortician (shocked): MRS. FARMER! I cannot be-LIEVE you would put our more than reasonable mummification fees aside like that! Next time you see your DEAR husband shambling along in some field or crawling amidst the tombs at our fine local cemetary, wouldn’t you much rather he be dressed in stylish bandages rather than be shambling along like a… like a common ZOMBIE?

Mrs. Farmer: I think dis is why he was wanting to be burnt, ya know…

Mortician: Mrs. Farmer, we would like nothing better than to offer cremation services, but the powerful Adventurer & Level Designer lobby prevents us. I’m afraid you will just have to resign yourself to your husband being raised by some foul wizard or evil deity and make the best of it!

Been hearing a lot about two games I haven’t yet tried, EVE Online and Second Life.

EVE is a space sim… and it looks to have some of the best role-playing. I don’t know if that is only because, as a non-player, that’s all I hear… or because it is easier to roleplay a space pirate than an elf wizard… but it sounds intriguing.

Second Life is a playground for coders and designers… that is SO ME. All those DAYS I spent modeling my real-life office for a 3D scene I did in POVRay… or all the things I did for that PernMUSH as a glasscrafter… I fear if I get into Second Life, it will leave little room for anything else.

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Tipa

Web developer for a Connecticut-based insurance company that's over 200 years old! Also a bicycler, a blogger, a kayaker, and a hunter of bridges.

One thought on “The Problem with Zombies”

  1. …but the powerful Adventurer & Level Designer lobby prevents us…

    Heh, damn lobbyists!

    Weren't the servants of those mummified also mummified themseleves? That could account for hordes. Or maybe not. My knowledge of egyption burial rites could fill…well, one of those fortune cookie papers. (and it would say "you are about to be attacked by hordes of mummies for no apparant reason. Your winning numbers are 4-7-16-32-55."

    Amber

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